Reading If I Die Before I Wake was an extremely meaningful experience for me, both as a reader and a person who will someday inevitably face death. As the author, you convey a sense of both solemnity and joy as you recount lessons from a life well-lived - lessons about sadness and joy and the great honor as well as the great hardships involved in caring for another person.
This is not to say that the book is in any way disheartening - it covers, over the course of a lifetime, the sheer and unmodified experience of being human - of being a caregiver for those who cannot care for themselves in one way or another - whether this entails a physical ailment, a mental affliction or even just having a really bad cold. The caregiving that is covered in this book is not just the sort that you might find in a medical facility - this book isn’t an instructional textbook with diagrams and definitions - this book discusses the opportunity to make a genuine connection with someone, and show them that they are cared for, that they are loved, even if they are not where they want to be in their lives. After reading If I Die Before I Wake, I have an entirely new view on caregiving. Caregiving is making a genuine human connection, and showing that you care for another person. Caregiving is all around us, every day, and it is an essential part of being human
On a bit of a more technical note, the narrative of If I Die Before I Wake has a very clear and specific progression. No part of the narrative feels random, or thrown into the text without reason. Each aspect that is included in the narrative has some impact later on in the progression of the story - as a reader I know that everything will tie back into the themes of caregiving, grieving or illness and the lessons learned by striving to understand these things. Your prose feels extremely polished and professional. In its current state, I would not be surprised if I found If I Die Before I Wake on a bookshelf in Barnes & Noble - this is to say that in the quality of prose, and clarity of thought currently present in this book, it feels like a fully finished and prepared book.
While reading If I Die Before I Wake, I feel engaged in the narrative. This story covers the life of the author, and though this life has not always been easy, there are things that you describe that feel extremely relatable to readers. By reading this book, readers feel as though they can find greater understanding and acceptance of the things which happen in their own lives. This is one among many factors which engage the attention as well as the emotions of the audience. The length of the book, at 382 pages, might seem to be rather lengthy, but after my read-through, I found the length of the book to be quite appropriate, as there is a lot to discuss on the topics of death and grieving, caregiving, and illness, and each contribution that you make to the story, be it about Mark, Camp VIVA, Homer or anything else contributes something important to the narrative flow of the book. I never found myself losing interest as I read through the book. As I have mentioned above, I found this read to be extremely meaningful, not just for its emotional and positive psychological impact, but also for its unique perspectives on a number of very important topics.
It is more than unfortunate that stigmas still find a home in our society. Even as we collectively are trying to become a more accepting society, stigmas still thrive in the minds of people who don’t understand a certain thing, and don’t try to. As you mention in:
Where Have All the Flowers Gone: “...stigmas still exist with regards to race, sexuality, transgender and gay lifestyles, as well as with mental illness. Many people with disabilities become invisible.”
Unfortunately, due to preconceived ideas, personal discomfort or social learning, it is all too easy to fall into a pattern of judging people who we do not understand. However, this pattern can be extremely harmful, for more than one reason. Even after I was finished with my read through, I found myself thinking frequently back to that instance that you described, where a woman in a diner said:
The Picnic: “‘We should put all the ‘AIDS people’ on an island and blow it up. Then we wouldn’t have to worry about it anymore. Besides, they are all faggots anyway.’” It seems that people who say such things likely do not know anyone who is afflicted with the ailment, or is a part of the group that they are acting so derisively towards. If they did, they would likely understand the pain of being judged for something that you cannot change by someone you do not know, and they would hold back on such judgements. In some ways, I would argue that stigma, especially in the context of this book, is the opposite of caregiving. When you are acting as a caregiver, you seek to make meaningful connections with those around you, whereas when your thoughts and beliefs are mired in stigma, it can be difficult or impossible to really connect with those around you.
You the author express your experience with death in a way that seems almost peaceful, practical. In speaking about non-violent deaths, you say:
Preface: “ I am talking about the peaceful passage between dimensions as we as humans have created, mostly to comfort us and make the transition understandable.” All too often when people talk about death, action comes into play. ‘He/she has gone to a better place,’ some might say. ‘They are at peace,’ others might conclude. These explanations seem to imply that people who have died have been changed or modified in some way. In reality, death has the greatest effect on those who still survive, and from my perspective, this is what this particular explanation of death seems to communicate. Those of us who still live can never know for sure that anything happens to or is done by the souls of those we love after they die. Most commonly accepted ideas of death or life after death exist in order to alleviate the grief of those who still live, and the ways that you describe death and the grieving process feel very true-to-life, and your ideas are quite unique - I don’t know that I’ve ever heard ‘the transition of death’ described as something that ‘we humans have created (in order to) comfort us and make the transition understandable. You describe death and the grieving process in a way that I don’t think has been widely explored before, and feels understandable and realistic.
Though I have spoken a bit already about caregiving above, I would like to reiterate here just how meaningful this book has been in shaping my opinions of caregiving. Whereas before, my overall impression of caregiving was that of caring for another individual in a healthcare setting, after reading If I Die Before I Wake, I came to understand caregiving as something so much more important - the connection and ties of love between people, and one of the most incredible things that people can do for each other.
I wish that I had more critiques to provide, however I really found this book to be of outstanding quality in its current form. The only thought that I have in this area has to do with the chronological structure of the book - I think that perhaps organizing these events and significant lessons in a chronological order would help readers to understand the passage of time in the context of the lessons that it provided. I don’t think that there’s anything wrong with the narrative flow at the moment, however if I had to offer one critique it would be that I think that structuring the book around the timeline of things that occurred could make the flow of the narrative feel even smoother than it does already, moving from year to year.
I do however think that the narrative stands very strong in its current form, and no changes are really necessary in order to bring this book to full completion - this is merely a suggestion.
Your book If I Die Before I Wake is quite exceptional. It covers some extremely important topics in a way that feels comprehensive and understandable. The narrative itself is engaging, and your prose is very professional, and contributes extremely effectively to the points that you are making. Thank you for sharing these lessons with me.
Sharing your work with anyone can be extremely hard - especially when that person is a stranger. I highly appreciate you sharing your work with me! Thank you so much for working with me - I’ve loved reading your novel. I wish you the best of luck as you continue with this book.
Happy Writing!
Maia